The Spice Of Life

Craigslist...

2011-11-17T20:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked on Craigslist for anything?

I scroll through now and then for stuff. Free stuff for the apt, recyclables, and what not, even have looked for jobs; temp, PT, & Adult work.

When I get bored; or even feeling sorta naughty. I will look through the personal ads. These things are CRAZY. Some people don't know how to write them, others tell it like it is, some don't tell you enough.

Guys I rarely believe you are on CL to find your true love, let me get that out in the open first and foremost. I have read a few that I do believe could be genuine, but very few. Secondly, You tell us ladies all about what you don't want from us, or what is expect about our "looks", but you forget to give us a little bit to go on about you.

I have read a few ads that might have been "promising" about BBW's to SSBBW ( mind you, men consider me somewhere in the middle, I am just plain FAT.) But I don't know anything about what you look like. Yes I do have my own preferences, my own things I want too. So just because I am FAT, doesn't mean I am desperate, or gonna be grateful that someone is out there that might want to meet me.

I have considered writing an ad once or twice. But I am of two minds. I have two different types of ads I would want to write. One that would tell you what I want on a daily basis, and the other would be an ad that would tell you what I wanted when I was in my hormone riddled state of mind. ;-)

My first ad:

Seeking a man who is understanding, trustworthy, my age. Employed, has a car, and his own place, not living with his parents. NOT MARRIED. I like men who are taller than I am,(everyone is taller than me.) and thinner. Humor, laughter & Kissing is mandatory, drama and stupidity will be left at the door.

Second ad:

Seeking a man, sometimes MM to satisfy my unending sexual urges. Must enjoy larger women, oral sex, giving and receiving, BDSM is part of my play at times, I am a switch, you will be open-minded. You will be discrete, but at my beck and call, for anything and everything I desire.

Yes, I do believe those would be my ads, LOL. Be even better if the first was as perverted as me. ;-) I would be a happy Goddess indeed.

Namaste,
Jessika

Over the Hill??

2011-10-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

As many of you know my Birthday was Monday. I had received many messages on Facebook, Twitter, X-Peeps, and a few other Forums, Thank You all of you!!

This was a "Milestone" birthday, the dreaded 40th.. However even though I dislike the number it's self, I don't mind coming of age. I am finally someone who has come into herself. I know more of who I am, and what I want. Without caring so much what others think or care about what I do or am.

I am a the following things, many won't approve, or will have issues, I DON'T CARE!!! This is who I am, kiss my white ass!! Oh wait, you have to pay for that privilege now. ;-)

1. BBW (Big Beautiful Woman), meaning I am Fat & Sexy, get over it!!!
2. I model, sexy, sensual, provocative (yes this means NAKED)
3. I am a practicing Witch ( I am spiritual, and accept all religions)
4. I maybe celibate, I chose to be, because I am waiting for the right person/people (don't be a peacock, I don't like them)
5. I talk about mental issues/disorders, because it's been a big part of my life to adapt to & over come my own

So that is me. Love me, hate me, leave... As my intro says, This is the SPICE of life, this my journey, these are my stories.

Ok so now for the fun part of my Birthday.

I spend the day with Jezebel Joli. She came over and helped me with a morning video Tight Jeans . Then we headed to the Mall to do some shopping.

We shopped at Torrid's in the mall, I will post the Video of Jezebel Joli trying on Shoes later, either on You Tube or here. Then we took a quick break at her house and then headed to lunch.

There is an intro video for our visit to Chili's on You Tube.

But here are our Photos of Lunch too.

Rainbow and 95 (Las Vegas)

Strawberry Rita & Honey-Chipotle Crispy Chicken Crispers®

Strawberry Mango Rita & Bacon Ranch Chicken Quesadillas

So Full (for you Belly Lovers)

Under The Table Shot of how those TIGHT Jeans are fitting NOW!!

FREE BROWNIES SUNDAE!!!

Good Friends Share.

Our Amazing Server Danielle!!

So we took a bit of a break for a while just toodled around for a bit. Then headed Over to "Flawlace", to Cofu, Jezebel's hair dresser. She was going to take off all my dead ends, and give me a "style".. I don't do styles. I am a wash and wear girl. Or clip it and go. LOL

Here are photos of my day at the salon...

I was sorta of shocked by all the layers and such, I forgot to have them take an ending photograph, I apologize for that. But it is cute, and manageable. Feels better as well.

Later that evening we had an amazing dinner at an Italian Restaurant I have never been too. They introduce me to some great little places!!! Bucca di Beppos YUMMY!! Servings are huge, feed 2 to three people with one order. I had Fettuccine Alfredo my favorite...

Loved this Photo on the Wall!!!

"THAT'S AMORE" Fat Girls Love!!

Three Servers came out to sing a Ditty ( Have no idea what they said)

My Birthday Candles. I got 3 wishes!!!

A Sexy Italian Statue

Of Course Jessika Can't resist. LOL


Ended the night with a Flash!!!

Had a wonderful Day/Night with friends. An amazing Birthday, turning 40 wasn't as hard as I thought. Over the hill? Nah, I am just getting started, watch out everyone. ;-)

Namaste,
Jessika

Sharing a Blog

2011-09-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am going to share someone else's blog with you today. I was introduced to this amazing woman by a friend on FB. She is the epitome of what I would love to be. A happy, successful, professional, managing her mental illness, loving all of her FAT female self. Now, we all have our days were we fall down. But lately I seem to be falling down more than up. So finding this blog, was a great inspiring thing for me, I had to share.

Crazy Beautiful:

Ten Rules for Fat Girls

5 Myths About Depression

She is an accomplished Author, who shares with us her views on being fat, reminds us we are worth standing up for ourselves and being counted. She also take my secondary issues, and throws all the issues out in public and tells it like it is. We don't chose to be Depressed, we can't just snap out of it, but we do make a conscious choice everyday to deal with it, and live life, so we medicate ourselves and do the best we can.

As always ladies you are beautiful remember that, believe it, and the world will too.

For everyone else dealing with Mental Illness, you aren't alone. There are many people who do. Not everyday is easy, but we do manage to get through EVERYDAY.

Namaste,
Jessika

2011-08-12T23:38:00.003-07:00

meaning. Big and small. Namaste, Jessika

2011-08-12T23:38:00.001-07:00

I don't believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason. Whether a lesson to learn, or building to a greater purpose the things in our lives have

How To Love Yourself

2011-08-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yoinked this from a website I belong too. Wonderful advice for everyone!!!

How To Love Yourself

by Louise Hay

Stop All Criticism - Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to
criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody
changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When
you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Don't Scare Yourself - Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts.
It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you
pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary
thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle And Kind And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to
yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of
thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind To Your Mind - Self hatred is only hating your own
thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently
change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself - Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise
builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how
well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself - Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to
friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for
help when you need it.

Be Loving To Your Negatives - Acknowledge that you created
them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to
fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care Of Your Body - Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel
does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about
exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the
temple you live in.

Mirror Work - Look into your eyes often. Express this growing
sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into
the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive
them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you."

Love Yourself .. Do It Now - Don't wait until you get well, or lose
the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now --
and do the best you can.

Louise L. Hay Educational Institute
Creating a world where it's safe for us to love each other.
Visit www.hayhouse.com

Shooting Again...

2011-07-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is directed to models this time...

Let me tell you, being a model isn't easy, or glamorous. It's hard work, long hours, lots of networking, and you have to know what to expect, oh and few really make lots of money. So don't think this is about making an easy buck ladies.

It's been almost a year since I shot any content, and that was with Daniel's Digital Darkroom last August. Shooting with Hard Ten and Shameless Angel this last week here at the Las Vegas BBW Bash, was a wake up call for me.

I am out of practice on a great many things when dealing with a photo shoot. I had no idea how to pose myself anymore, or my facial expressions. I know BETTER!!

Ladies do you know what your greatest asset is as a model? Despite what men think they want to look at...

It's your SMILE...

I look like I am mad, or sucking lemons in most of my photos. It isn't the photographers fault, it's mine. Thinking you look sexy, but you look constipated on the final cut is HORRIBLE. Let me tell you, what a waste of hours of shooting.

Know ahead of time ideas of what you want to shoot, I went in with only one idea. IT kinda flopped. Then again, I am highly critical of my work Jezebel Joli tells me.

The last thing I want to bring up, is something that Jezebel said. What to bring to a shoot. I think that Kelly Shibari covered this best, it this article.

Kelly has written a bunch of great articles over the years on industry things, take a look around. They have helped me a great deal.

***

Ladies, The experience is out there. Of people who have gone before you...Find it, read it. Learn from it. Ask questions. Don't make the simple mistakes that get your heart broken, or YOURSELF hurt. If you truly want to try for some sort of life in this industry, DO YOUR RESEARCH. I am not a Porn Star. I don't consider myself a well known model, but I have been around a while. People know who I am, because I network. I am safe from most predators because I research them, and their sites, I don't just jump on their happy lil promises. Be safe, ask another model about them, look at their supposed website. See if it's even completed. Always take a day or two before you give someone an answer. ;-)

Be well,
JV

Project Big Daddy

2011-07-02T12:11:00.001-07:00

As you all know, Chris Andrews touched millions of our lives. I felt I couldn't let him go so quickly, so I asked a friend of mine to make a memorial for him. If you all share your favorite photo of you and Big Daddy Chris, C. Davison Photography will make a collage and we will get it to his family. Just one (1) picture everyone. Send to cdavisions@live.com. Thank you!!

Losing Our Big Daddy...

2011-06-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

I was actually going to start writing two days ago about the 3 people who guided my choices into modeling. How they helped me make my choices, supported me, and let me decide who and what kind of model I would be. I waited a day too long to express my thanks and gratitude to an exceptional man.

Not only had this man made impact in the music, DJ world, and Videography, he will always be known in the BBW community. He was an advocate to all people for acceptance. Size, gender, sex, etc, didn't matter as long as it was about love and life, he was there to promote it.

"Be real," he would tell me, "that is why people like you Jess. You never lie, don't cheat them. Be yourself, don't do what you don't want to. Always remain in control, be calm, and have fun."

Those are word I have "ALWAYS" lived by in my modeling career. If I can't have fun, or be in control, or comfortable, then I don't do it.

I knew Big Daddy Chris Andrews as my friend, mentor, and a boss.. I will respectfully say, I used to clean his house, once upon a time. He was a brilliant man, full of ideas, never stopping, no matter what life threw at him. He was an inspiration to many, and a role model to some. A wonderful DJ, he brought the party. He knew how to make the crowds get up and dance.

In this ocean of life that we live, you have made so many ripples, that they carry over. I have to say it felt like a tidal wave. It is still shocking, to think that we will never hear you laugh again, or have your #Monday music Tweets. My thoughts and prayers to your Mother, children,your family and Ms. Poole. I can only hope that you will dance with Heather again, and continue the party with the Angels my friend.

My heart is breaking in so many pieces as I write this, I keep crying off and on the last two days. I can't image what his family feels. He did so much for his friends, just in words and deeds. Truly people, live life the way you want to live, and find your true path to walk. I believe Chris walked his everyday.

You will be missed by all who knew you.

My love til we meet again...

Jessika

Being Bi-Polar

2011-04-27T14:13:00.001-07:00

One day of my life every month revolves around getting to, signing in, and waiting for the medical clinic to see me. I hate being here. I feel normal, look/ act normal in comparision to others around me. However if I were to leave, or stop coming & or taking my meds I wouldn't function as well as I do.

Mental Health is such a delicate subject, so many different diagnosis, that people don't like talking about it. However it is becoming more prevalent in our society. I have been trying for years to help my close friends to understand better. As model, I have become more vocal about it in the last year.

Amazingly even Hollywood has been stepping forward to. I will watch Catherine Zeta Jones, to see what effect her coming forward might have in peoples understand, and acceptance.

Namaste,

Jessika

New Pet Peeve

2011-04-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

I have a new pet peeve!! Anonymous people, or bogus account, who send me to blogs for "Advice", on life issues. Yes I am FAT, Yes I have a mental disorder, I don't need you all to give me "ADVICE" how to FIX it, or change what is "wrong" with me..

First off, who said there was anything wrong with me. I know I am fat. I have been put on almost every known diet by my mom, as a kid. HEY You, yeah you, with the lemon water blog from this morning, Still FAT!! I know what to do, how to do it, better than most people, IF I wanted to. Guess what, I don't want to. I am good for right now.

WHY? Let's see I am healthier than most people I know. I have lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure (Since I quit smoking 5 years ago), I watch my sugars since Diabetes runs in my family, (but I don't deprive myself a treat when I have a craving, MODERATION). I use Kosher & Sea salts, instead of Iodize salt when cooking, plus I try and limit my pre-packaged/pre-prepared foods.

So don't think because we are fat, we don't know what to do, that we are un-healthy, or can't tell you in a 100 ways how to get fit. FUCK OFF!! Lose my Twitter page, Lose my Facebook URL, Don't Email me, I don't want to hear from all you dumb bunnies anymore. You all piss me off. I wish my Anti-Virus would stay, "WHOA STOP, the page you are about to view, is from SOMEONE STUPID and VAPID.. Don't view it." Save me time and effort.

Secondly It tackly to try and think you can fix someone else of their "Mental afflictions"!!! Really??? HOLY SHIT... There are no wonder drugs people, no miracle herbs. I love all herbalists, I actually dabble in herbology, so don't bore me with the new "CURE". GO AWAY, Frauds.

Long story short, I am fat, but I am healthy. I have a mental disorder, but hey, I am smart and quick as a whip most days. Go sell your wares else where, Your shit just bugs me.

I think I will BLOCK YOU NOW.. Thanks buh bye!!!

My dark moments, SUCK!!

2011-04-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

So today is a bit of a dark post. Just a warning to you all...

I have shared with you all my passion of my modeling, my joys of new experiences on stage, writing erotica, and whatever other things happen, but I have kept from you my really dark stuff. But it is a part of me too. If you have followed me on Twitter, or FB a while, or under my old blog as BSG you know I am Bi-Polar, and struggle with depression at times. I promote positive thinking as a way to handle most things, talking to your friends and family, your support system. As well as following Dr.'s orders, including but not limited to taking your medications as prescribed.

**IF you ever feel hopeless or lost or are feeling suicidal, please call 1-800-273 TALK or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/** You are NOT alone...

Yesterday I had a very "BAD" day. For most people that means, they have a bad mood, eat chocolate, and kick the couch, and scream at someone who cut them off.. But for someone with a mental disorder, (Gawd that is still hard to say), but I have a chemical imbalance, so it is a disorder, nothing "I" can help; a "BAD" is sooo much more.

It can start mildly. Just a few tears, after the initial "Trigger". (The thing that sets it all in motion, the person, place or event, that "Triggers" you to have a chemical re-action, to the stimulus) Tears, lead to non-production for me, I "was" cleaning my apt. Then I slept, woke and cried more. Tried to occupy my mind/time with numb things, like FB, doing things with my website, and playing games. Then I had time to think again, and it started all over again. I finally had to just let it all out. Late last night, I started blogging about my feelings. Because, OMG I just could feel myself being SUCKED into blackness. So dark, and thick, it actually had weight to it. I haven't felt true despair in a long time. I did last night, I knew I had to call someone, I messaged a friend to call me, and he did.. He just listened to me pour my heart and soul out.

I decided today, to remind others that when I disappear from the world, sometimes, it's because I am losing myself from the pain. I have been sober for; damn... 19 years. I don't drink anymore, because alcohol interferes with my medication. If pot was legal, I might do it sometimes just to finally relax and sleep, but I don't think the men in my life could handle me... ;-) (The 3 H's make me pretty hard to handle.. Happy, Horny, Hungry)
LMAO

People who don't go through "Cycles", may not understand HOW bad, it really is. We can't "ALWAYS" just suck it up and move on. I do "COWGIRL UP", I am a fighter, have been my WHOLE life. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have made it to this ripe old age of 40.

But can you image just for one minute, what it is like, to go from having dreams, and living them, to being stuck inside your head, and fearing losing it all because you aren't normal anymore? You can understand what is going on, YOU know as long as you take your meds you are alright, but you will still have emotional breaks, and "BAD" days, But others will still look at you and see an emotional wreck. You can never move beyond a certain point in your job anymore, because of these things, because now, they have "labeled" you a risk. (Don't lecture me on ADA...)

All we want to do is live normally, act normally, so even if I am torn up inside, you will rarely know. Unless you really know me, and my personality. Like I said, not all people with Personality Disorders, BP, or Depression, react the same. However we all want the same things you do, acceptance, kindness, and acknowledgement for what we do...

I am tired today. I cried myself out last night. I had someone there who listened, let me know I wasn't alone, gave me hope. If you are someone reading this that MIGHT be going through what I do, build your own support group of friends and family to call upon, when you need them, NIGHT Or DAY.. Or keep this number handy..

1-800-273 TALK

If you are interested in becoming involved with Mental Health Awareness in your area:
NAMI

Cherish yourself my friends. I love you all..

Jessika

A Crush and Respect...

2011-03-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

I decided I have an adult crush on Eminem. Yes I said it, Marshall Mathers, aka Slim Shady, I am crushing on him lately. I have found that I am really connecting to a bunch of his songs. Seeing his videos, makes you go, hmm he is kinda cute too. LOL

It isn't easy being under a microscope all the time. We, as the general public forget that. We watch the media catch everyone in their "bad moments" doing bad things. Or when their lives are falling apart. We expect them to have their shit together, and still give us what we want,( ie Movies, Songs, comedy, whatever their famous for).
It isn't always possible. They are people first. Artists/Actors second.

Marshall is a person first, he has made mistakes, we all do. I haven't always like "ALL HIS MUSIC". My respect for him comes from this, he owns his mistakes, takes responsibility for his actions. He isn't afraid to say "Yeah, that was me, but I am changing, this is me now. Fuck you, take it or get out of the way." He has always tried to do what was best for his daughter Hailey. Anyone who grew up with his music, like I have, knew that he was a proud daddy. He may not always get along with Kim, but he loves Hailey.

A man's ability to accept his faults, mistakes, and responsibility without excuse, defines his character, at least to me. So Yeah, I crush on someone famous for once, a bad boy figure too. Go figure.

Check out these Videos: My Top Favs:

Out of My Box

2011-02-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of myself. I went and did something that I never thought I would do, but I am so glad for the experience. Not sure I would do it again, in quite the same setting though.

I entered a BBW Strip Contest at Little Darlings here in Las Vegas on Thursday Night. It was the most nerve wreaking experience ever, but very liberating as well. There were 14 of us girls all together, competing for the 1st place prize of $1000.

I sucked. Let me tell you that first off. I didn't do very good. I should have known they would place fast music, and this white girl CAN'T dance. I have no bounce, or shake in my booty. LOL That is what they wanted. Secondly, I had a wardrobe malfunction, my top didn't want to come untied. It took two times to untie the damn thing. Then I slipped on my clothes not once, but fucking Twice!!! Bloody HELL!!! LOL We had two mins to dance and show our shit off. Boy howdy did I. I contemplated what I would or wouldn't do, in like 30 seconds.. I was like down on the floor, legs in the air, and split wide open, then rolled over, and crawled to the judges turned so my ass was in their face. Grabbed the pole, got up kneeling and slide my legs open again for the audience. LOL

The second part to the contest was a lap dance. I have NO experience with this. I again sucked at it. I was nervous, and it was so vanilla, and bland. I didn't even place in this contest.

I felt bad at first that I didn't do well, or make tips. But then I took a step back, and looked at it a different way. I did something, that I normally wouldn't do. I expanded my experiences, my boundries. I can now say, I was in a room full of people and they cheered at me, for me, and loved me for my curves. Oh YEAH, they loved us. We were WELL received. I can't believe How many people were there to root for us, cheer us on, and just plain perv on us.. LOL

It is now like 36ish hours later. I hurt! My legs hurt, my thighs are killing me, I just got out of a bath of Epsom Salt to try and soak some of my pains away. I give props to the ladies who do this as a full-time job. That is hard work. Mentally and physically.

Ciao Bella,

Jessika

I probably won't get here before Valentines Day, So here is a little something for everyone of my lovers!! I love you all. May you all have a wonderful, sexy day!!

A few happenings lately...

2011-02-05T01:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't done much this year towards meeting my actual goals on my website. In my head I wanted tons of photo sets, an archive if you will, ready to go and waiting for me. I have however gotten myself more involved in the social network aspect. So I am out there, being heard and "seen" in the public eye.

I have built/designed a website for a friend, for a BBW Night Club here in Vegas. I still need to do a few tweeks to it yet, but I am proud of my first PUBLIC Non-Porn site. hehehe

I am hoping to get a few photo shoots in here VERY shoot.I really want my site UPDATED yesterday!!

Come Thursday night, Feb 10th I am entering my VERY FIRST BBW Dance contest. I will be doing my first stage "Strip" Performance. I am nervous, but if you are local, come show your support!! Little Darlings Feb 10th Contest come grab a seat earlier, about 11? Contest will begin @ 12am.

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

The Curvacous Show- Sunday 1-09-11

2011-01-06T19:05:00.000-08:00

The lights dim, convention center cleans up, and the Pornstars go home. What to do with yourselves Sunday Night? Turn on your Radios of Course!!!

For LIVE Streaming that night on your phones UStream!

Things Happening In Jan 2011...

2011-01-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

You guys know me, ALWAYS attempting to multi-task..(since I have someone on the brain right now, MULTI-PASS...LMFAO) Gawd I need to find a copy of The Fifth Element to Own. Freaking LOVE that movie.. Ok back to my orginial train of thought here...

First if you guys follow me on Twitter, or Facebook: You all know I am in a Contest. I am SOO far behind at the moment it sucks... But I am not out of the race yet. You guys CAN help me still. Did you know that you can vote from your phone, work PC, Laptop, home PC all in the same day, as long as you have a different IP address? Just go VOTE for me, from today til the 15th of the month. Go tell your friends. I am #16, check the box then hit vote.

I am still looking into offering something to you guys as some sort of rewards for helping me out. Let me talk to my photographer this weekend at AVN/AEE. See if we can do some special shots just for you guys.

That brings me to AVN/AEE weekend. If you are here this weekend and want to meet up for a photo op let me know. My Photographer and I will be around so let us know, and we can try to get a few shots of us together. ;) Maybe I will even sign a body part for you.. LOL J/K

This is for CorbinDal:

Monthly Fetish/Goth Dance Parties at The Erotic Heritage Museum. NO COVER! January 6th!! 10pm- 2am 18+, 21+ with ID to Drink. $3 well drinks! Help raise funds for the Erotic Heritage Museum! Dance, Drink, Let's your freak out! Pillow Fights and Foot Fetish Theme this month! COME!!

I love the Erotic Heritage Museum. If anyone is ever in town, you should always stop by and see if there is an event going on. Stop and support the "Freedom of Sexual Expression", I dare ya. ;)

That's all for now. I am working on a whole lot of ideas for my site. It is my resolution this year to do more with it. Lets make 2011 a Sexy year to remember.

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

2010 In Review...

2010-12-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

As I sit here looking at the beginning of the last day of year. I was wondering (if you know me, more like fretting. LOL) about should I be making a New Year's Resolutions List? However I remembered reading a small clip on FB earlier from Llewellyn's about counting possibilities. So here is what I am doing, I am looking at 2010 and seeing what I have done for the better.

First off, I started working again. I am back in retail. At my old store, doing my old jobs. Doing even better than when I left it the first time around. Too bad I don't have my old pay. LMAO

Secondly, I am doing well with my mental health. I am maintaining stability with my medication, which allows for me be more involved in my daily life.

I am living on my own. Which may not seem like a big deal to most people. But for someone trying to regain their lives, and mental health, it is HUGE. Feeling self-sufficient is big priority for me. Making better, safer, less self-destructive decisions as well. I slip and stumble at times, but dust myself off, and keep going.

This year went by quickly for me. I took it day by day. I even survived turning 39, OMG!!! LOL

This next year, the only things I hope for is to be more pro-active with my web site, and to looking into what would make me happier as a career alternative, & do it.

The rules I live by now, have helped me to look at end of 2010, beginning of 2011 with no regrets, and realize I am happy, and working on being content.

An ye harm none, do as thou will.
The rule of 3/Karma
Remembering we are all of the same light (Namaste)

Thank you to my friends, fans, and followers. May your New Year fill you with Hope, Love and may you Prosper.

See you all next year,

Jessika Vegas

Great Rules to Live By...

2010-11-20T01:49:00.000-08:00

I saw this today on someone's profile on Fetlife.. It spoke WORLDS to me, so I am posting here in my Blog so I can share it with you guys, as well as see it when ever I need too...

The 11 things written below should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it,but it's 100% true. So....If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone you call friend

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received... Forget about the rude remarks.

The next ones have to do with BDSM: But they work also in any relationship too if you look close enough:

The 10 Kink Commandments:

1.All activity must be safe (we do not cause true harm), sane (we only engage in activity when we are clear of mind), and consensual.

2.One must always be respectful of your partner’s safe word (red/yellow/green) and their hard limits.

3.We only enter into activities after we have gained trust, education, and an open-mind.

4.Always be polite and ask questions.

5.Do not touch anyone else's equipment without permission.

6.We always must be clean, hygienic, and mindful of our own equipment.

7.We will always be mindful of aftercare.

8.We do not engage in humiliating and degrading scenes for solely our own amusement.

9.We always protect one anothers anonymity from the harsh eyes of the vanilla world.

10.And Most importantly, don’t forget to have a good time.

A Submissive's Bill of Rights

1.You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.

2.You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.

3.You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.

4.You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.

5.You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.

6.You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES.

7.You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.

8.You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.

9.You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.

10.You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.

11.You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.

12.You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.

This is how I chose to live my life in a perfect world. These are the rules I would give any Master/Dom that would like to be in my life. I think that would be beneficial for both of us.

Namaste,

Jessika

New things

2010-10-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

I am planning on going to AVN this year, I just need help to get there.. Which means any promoting that I can do to help get me there I am going to do!! So when Plus Size Profiles sent me an email saying they were going to be selling key chains to fans/members for ONLY $5 including shipping, I was SOOO JAZZED. The small profit I make off that, could add up, if every single person I know bought just one with my photo on it, would get me into AVN one day!!! WHOO HOO!!

http://psprofile.com/linkbuy.html

They only except Pay Pal. Also when ordering make sure specify which model you want on the key chain. JESSIKA VEGAS!!! ;)

I plan on being there both days this year. To promote, and hopefully this year to hand out business cards and photos that I can sign. Be available for photos with ya'll too. Would be awesome.

Next month I start my first EVER XXX production. So I will let you know how that goes. Also where anyone can either find it, or buy a DVD of it.

New update is on the Website as well, compliments of an amazing Photographer! Daniel's Digital Darkroom Starring with me in this set is Guilty Pleasures 40G

So lots of changes for me, come help promote them, be a part of them. I DARE YOU!!! LOL

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

Calm

2010-10-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

I can count the times I have felt calm and content after a sexual encounter. I mean sure there's been content that I had an orgasm and all. But to have that full sense of all is right in the world, all is right with me? 3 times. All this year.

So I suppose that part of my sexual explorations, or awakening and knowing what I want/need for myself is part of that. Having the right connection with the partner you are with. Last but not least, kid you not, that they know what the fuck they are doing, or are at least into what you are doing, and you.

Growing up most of my sexual encounters where LAME. OMG seriously, what the FUCK was I thinking? Point is I wasn't. I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be liked/loved as a women. I went and did the dumb thing quite a few women do, I gave up sex for my own desires.

Actually let's rephrase that, I didn't know enough about sex then, to know that I had CONTROL in my sexual encounters. I could dictate how things went. If I wanted rough, I could get it. If wanted kinky, I can get kinky. If I want to be a dirty lil fat cum whore, I will be!!!

I didn't know THESE things back then. No one taught me. I had no Master to awaken my innermost desires, and carnal interests. Having strength and control over my own sexuality, is empowering. Like nothing I have ever know before.

Now my outlets are limited. My resources few. I am a picky BITCH. I have lines that even I won't cross yet. I know strange for someone who is 'IN THE ADULT INDUSTRY". However, it is my body, and I still have control!

Back to my point... My 3 moments of calm. At the beginning of the year with my "Toy". The most physical and emotional connection I have ever felt in this lifetime. This July with a friend from the GM. Took a few hours, but wore me out!! And lastly with someone who wasn't even HERE!! My on-line Canadian Master had me worn out physically and emotional. Me begging him for NO MORE!! But about thirty minutes later, I realize that it was the calmest I have felt in the longest time. AMAZING..

Thank you Master.

Sexing Up Jessika

2010-09-30T00:31:00.000-07:00

Is it so hard to find someone that enjoys the sensual side of sex as much as I do?

I can appreciate being friends with benefits, but my benefits, are a little more involved then sucking someone's cock, eating my pussy, then getting a nut off.

Men, if you don't have the time, energy, or stamina to put into taking care of me, don't answer my call for help. And yes, I did actually finally ASK for help. My hormones are driving me INSANE. I need release. I could practically ride my huge, thick dildo all day long, and still not be satisfied. Exhausted, but not satisfied. I was fucked today, I masturbated for a good hour afterward, have cum a few times, and my cunt is still throbbing wanting more..

I want to be touched, teased, the erotic, sensual, play, as well as sex. I need to be kissed and kissed well. I have written about my "THING" for kissing. A good kisser can almost always get me nekkid and in bed. I love kissing, I miss that more than anything else about having a relationship.

However, if you want to seduce me, or keep this horny woman happy, kiss me, touch me. Slowly, constantly, anywhere and everywhere. Nothing is off limits. Pull my hair, I like things rough, show some control over the situation.

When and if the time is right, I may even use my toys on you, or allow you to flog me. I love to feel my flogger on my bare skin. Giving up the control to someone else. The softness of the strands as they hit me, then the sting as the beating becomes harder, and more firm. I can feel myself getting wet now just thinking about it. LOL

Pull my hair, ask me who's slut I am, tell me what you want to do. Give me pleasure along the way, and I will perform like a good submissive for you.

Yet as I sit here and write this, I am thinking about how much I desire to sit on a cock, and ride it. Tease and torment myself, and my partner. Long slow strokes with my tight wet cunt, sliding up and down that hard throbbing pole. While his hands NEVER stop touching me. His kisses, covering up my moans. Grinding my hips just at the right angle so my clit hits every nerve... helping me to climax. Riding faster, and impaling my self deeper on that stiff pole. Bouncing now, my huge tits slapping together hitting him in the face, as I throw my head back, I can feel my cunt start to spasm, his cock stiffens, his fingers grip my ass, he grunts, and we cum together...

Hmmmm Yeah, that would be lovely, I haven't ridden a cock in a while.. Fuck me, now I am horny again.. Time to find my toys again, cuz it is just too damn late to find anyone to call for help here.. DAMN IT.

Come get to know me better!!!

2010-08-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I decided to do something a little interactive with my website boys and girls. Formspring. Apparently it is the lastest craze going, much like Twitter, and Facebook, I see it as a great marketing tool.

So what is it that would like to ask me, know about me? I know I am going to get some Straight Dumb questions, but I hope that I will get some pretty good ones too. Many of you know a lot about me already, so why not expand on that?? I will be continuing to post the answers on the website so Keep asking So you can come find out new answers.

http://www.formspring.me/JessikaVegas

Ciao For now,
Jessika

My Rant

2010-08-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

This is a complete and total bitch entry.

I have done web design work for others on my own, as well as watch/heard what the owner of MaXXXimumBBW.com/MaXXXimumNetwork.com (Jason Constantine) has done for each one of his models. Now I do all my own designing, however, anytime I come across anything I need help with, I go to Jason, and ask his opinion, or for his help. He always has the answer, or a link for the solution. I and every single model who host their site with MaXXXimumNetwork gets a DEEP savings on hosting costs. I know of NOWHERE on the internet that would get me the deal that Jason does, and I have researched immensely.

I haven't asked much for my work comparatively speaking, when others in this field charge $300 to $400 dollars, $25 a page is nothing. So the fact that I have done work for someone, they like it then balk at the price, then never call me back sucks.. Or get mad when I won't give them my WEB work/design, before payment, is a business move, not a solely a trust issue. People need to understand, especially when they are friends outside of business transactions, business comes first, then personal relations.

So why would Jason spend countless hours building & designing a person's website, just to be told that the other person's quality of design and content was better than Jason's, then be expected to continue to keep working on it? Why keep doing work for people that apparently don't think that he can or will get them the "attention" they want or deserve? Especially when he is doing all this for free??? HELLO!!!!!

Here is my way of thinking about everything and anything to do all this shit and more...

I am friends with Jason, bottom line. If people don't like tough shit. No one is perfect. We all have rough spots that need work, but he has a good heart, and wonderful intentions where MaXXX is concerned. It is there for us to utilize, if you just chose to do it, it can manifest into something amazing. But that is for us to do. Not Jason.

He has given us the tools, MaXXXimumBBW.com, MaXXXimumNetwork.com, NaughtyGirlVIP.com and BBWtweets.com to get noticed, market, and make money. That is what we need to do as models. We have the ability to do that for ourselves, with little to no interference from big companies giving us rules or limitations on how we do that. I can go do all those cute little ideas I had, that my Beloved Southern Charms wouldn't let me.. I do say Beloved, because I still love Southern Charms. I have no ill will toward them, I promote them, and the girls still on my twitter page.

However, if I have all these tools and do nothing with them, it isn't anyone one's fault but my own. If I utilize what Jason gives me, (which is what I am trying to do, as well as move and on my feet also) then I believe I have a shot at making my site something I can be proud of.

But I have to let go of those who expect me to work for free, or give them work now, and pay me later. I am my own boss, and I do amazing work.

Jason puts up with even more, since he deals with all the models, and anyone else that come to his site for web designs. We both know that is part of business, however, my point is:

Time = Money
We deserve Respect!!!

Bottom line

No matter what you THINK you are worth, you want us to do something for you for free, and get cheap server space, fine cool, but we aren't your slaves.

Remember that the next time you speak to your Webmaster/mistress about needing something for your website. It takes time to add stuff to a site, and minutes to destroy it all. ;)

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

Ramblings while in pain...

2010-08-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

I should be writing about something wonderful going on, however all I can think about is how much my tooth hurts, and how much I have left to do to move by the end of the month. Plus the things I need to organize in between now and then, the packing that needs to get done. Which the rest can't get done til the week of, simply because the rest is stuff that I am using.Horrible. I hate moving.

Plus the days I am supposed to move, I am also shooting with Guilty Pleasures 40G and Digital Photography, all the way from Tennessee!! Holy Cow!??? How is all this supposed to happen? STRESS Much?

Oh breathe. No, I didn't have a panic attack or anything.. I will figure it out. I usually do. LOL But for now, I am going to the store for some Tylenol for my damn tooth.

Ciao Bella,

Jessika

P.S. For those of you who might be worried, I am NOT leaving Las Vegas.. Just moving out on my own. Which presents another set of scary, exciting, panicky things for me as well. More to come on that too.. Bye for now, tooth hurts too damn much right now. XOXOX ~ JV

The Rest of My Bash Week!!

2010-07-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have been busy ya'll, with getting the site up and going. Sorry I didn't get the rest of my "Vegas Bash" up.

Friday morning I had time to myself, I hit the pool. I worked on my tan as much as possible this week. I love a little color on me, and in Vegas you gotta have a pool near by!! LOL

I had to run a meet and greet with my local BBW Group, for the Bash Goers. So people could mix and mingle. For privacy purposes I won't post those photos here. But I got some great ones...

Here is the list of questions, that the Sponsors for the Meet N Greet had printed out just in case you got stuck in that 3 mins and had nothing to say to each other. Helped keep the conversation going..

After the meet and greet I had to get to my room to start getting ready for my second photoshoot of the week. My photographer, his girlfriend, and Jezebel Joli were coming by @ 6. My gosh I ran late, not usual for me. They showed up early and brought up equipment to my room. Then we ended up shooting two really great sets. One for Jez's site, and a BDSM one for mine. We had dinner then they called it a night.

I went back to my room and changed my clothes, since the Bash had a club night going. I wanted to see all the Vampires and Divas! I caught a few. Check em out.

A Diva and a Vamp? Sexy!!


Sexy Diva in the Lobby


My Friend Tammy makes a delicious Diva

Hank and his Dinner (oh wife) Shannon You both are Sexy!!

I ended my evening having my first and only "Sighting" of the Bash.. LOL I thought it was sooo cute. A fan recognized me, from my old site on SC. I am always flattered when you guys actually know who I am btw. So come say hello to me. Don't be shy, I never bite unless you ask me too. ;)

Anyways here I am with my excited BBW Lover..

(Photo removed by request)

Saturday morning I had a bit more time to myself before Jason came back to shoot more photos. So again back to the pool I went. Soaking up some rays!! Then we shot all afternoon. Here are is a sneak peak at some of those shots.

It was late when we were done that night, but I still wanted to see everyone in their formals for the last night of the Bash. So I dressed up and took off on my nightly stroll. I clicked a few pictures of people I knew. But most of the party had already broken up, and gone on to smaller room parties. So back to my room I went to pack up, to be ready to vacate early.

Sunday morning I loaded everything to my car. Then headed to pool for the day. I had breakfast with some friends. Then headed back to the pool. Caught a picture with Dawn P, and Michelle as they were passing through.


Michelle, Jessika Vegas & Ms Dawn P

I also got to hang out with The Don Carlos that day.

And I just had to ask this gorgeous creature if I could take her picture!!!

All in all, I had a good time this week. Got a good start on content for my new site.

Saw some old friends again. Got to hang out with my local ones.

Never forget to stop and make time for what is important: Family, friends and yourself. We all rush so much to just exist and pay bills that we forget that. So it was nice to have that short break.

My love to you all.
Ciao,

Jessika

Live & Open for you to visit me!!

2010-07-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

Jessika Vegas dot com is now open!!! You can now come and visit me!!

Members can join now for a low price of only $9.99 a month!!! Incredible.

Stayed tuned for more things coming from me in the future!! Whoo hoo!!!

Ciao for now,
Jessika

Thurs - Bash Cont'd

2010-07-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning I went to a talk hosted by TheWizardofBOD, of BODacious Inc. If you don't know him, you should get try too. I have followed this man for about four years now. He has passion about what he does for the BBW community, runs many successful businesses, and is now starting to promote changing your life with POSITIVITY. (If you read this Zik, I am down to 6 from about 35 on my desktop!!! LOL)

I then when to hang at the pool for a while with friends that I haven't seen for a while. Some have moved outta state, so that was an awesome thing.

Here Amanda is with a sexy guy Nathan from the UK!!!

Then the BODacious crew, Zik, Delicious, Tree, and Nicole:

BODacious Nicole with some people...(my friend Charlie and his GF Nicki on the right)

Hmmm so how do I look with this tattoo??

Thursday afternoon, I hung out with Synful Dame. She shot a set of Bondage for me. I had a blast. She will tell you I am crazy!! Don't believe it... ;) But she IS awesome with that camera if you want her to shoot you, and are in her area, make sure to hit her up to build both your profolios!!

Thursday night was the Rockabilly theme, and boy did Synful and I ROCK it.. lil known secret.. Synful and to pin my ass in my dress like a sausage.. We kept waiting all night for the pins to POP!!! LMAO Good times, good times.

Then I finally ran into my Sexylicious friend @BigDaddyVegas1 from Big Daddy Productions

Great night hanging out with an awesome chick!!

~Jessika

My Bash Experience

2010-07-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

Since 2008, when I first found out about the BBW Network Las Vegas Bash, I have wanted to experience this myself. I made myself go to a private pool party in 08 and meet a very down to earth group of people that completely changed my attitude, and views of the Adult Industry, and Modeling as a whole.

In 09 my situation hadn't changed much, so I went and mingled with a few friends at the pool a couple of times during the day, which was a blast. I also meet up with a few people I had meet the year before. Meeting new people that year.

This year however, I DID a bit more. I stayed at the hotel from Weds to Sunday morning. Seeing old friends, hanging out by the pool, meeting new people, I even ran into a fan. I even got in some photo shoots for the new site that is coming.

Here are my issues with the whole Bash experience..

1) If you are coming, Do the whole thing. Get a pass.. You miss too much otherwise.

I may not "party" like everyone else, but I like to be in the mix with everyone else.

2) Don't make too many plans.

There is NEVER enough time to DO EVERYTHING!!!

3) Try to share costs if you can, with someone you get along with.

Cutting costs is great, but you have to like the person, and get along with them. Otherwise you both with kill each other or be miserable by the end of the week.

Here are pictures of my Suite at the Tuscany. This places was huge!! I loved having, too bad there was no one to share this huge bed with me.. ;)

Then the cut little display they set up in the bathroom, and you know I had to take home some lotion and shampoo!!! LOL

The huge bathtub, that I never did get to take a bath in. Or do a photo shoot in. *Pouts* Guess I will have to go back. *Grins wickedly* Any volunteers to shoot that set?

The sitting room was nice and comfy. I did receive company there. As well as shoot loads of content!!! Just wait til you see them. ;)

Second Night at the Bash, Jezebel Joli, hanging out, signing autographs.

Later that night(morning) we went to eat at the cafe Marilyn's. Jezebel Joli, Bob, and Darkness Von Rotten

These next two cuties where at the table next to us. They MADE us all eat their sundae, then left their carrot cake. Food does bring people together, more so when they are intoxicated.. LOL

So that was my first two nights at the Tuscany. More photos, and narration tomorrow!!

xoxo,
Jessika

Coming Soon!!

2010-06-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

Well two things are happening, the Las Vegas BBW Bash, next month mid July. Yes, I will be in attendance for some of the things going on, a few parties, and will be doing some photo shoots (Can't wait to see you Synful Dame!!). I have to build content for the coming event of "jessikavegas.com".

I will be looking forward to seeing long lost friends, as well as new friends. If I know you only from the internet don't be afraid to say "Hello" I don't bite (hard). LOL

If you can connect with me a few different ways.

Twitter

Facebook

Email

Looking forward to seeing you all next month at the Tuscany!!!

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

Had to take time to figure it out...

2010-05-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

Trying to figure out who or what you are is never easy. I am learning how to cope with the "Real World" again by working at my old job, trying to figure out how to stand on my own two feet again. Starting over isn't easy.

Then to step back and have to think about am I a model? Fetish star? Do I belong here doing this? Why is it that I do this anyways? I had complete lapse of confidence, courage, and thought about hanging it all up. In discussions with others I was not completely happy with certain ideas of theirs of how building a site/business should be, meshed with things I was ready to do.

Made me think I was too "OLD", made me question the hows and whys I do what I do, and for the last few weeks, I have had to really think about what I plan on doing in the future. I don't do what I do, as a BBW model to be a super star, or make tons of money. Yes, it is work, I expect to be paid, not gonna cam for free, or post pictures everywhere to be ogled at; when time and effort is put into my merchandise (me!). However, when I started out from camming two years ago and started with the pictures a friend of mine did say to me, "Don't forget you make the decisions, and never let anyone make you do what you aren't comfortable doing."

So why is it that now I am not living by that advice. I did well with it for a good year. I made some money, I marketed myself, I was out there, and never did anything I didn't want to do.. So what now makes it that way as I find myself starting over, that I feel I have to do it someone else's way?? I can take their ideas, and incorporate mine with it, to make a really great scene or set. Whatever it is that we are doing, but never do I need to bend my ideals. I forgot that.

I started back then to make extra money, yes. I also enjoyed the attention, who doesn't. But then I realized the positive voice that women like us could have, if we utilized it. I have had many women, email me, talk to me, about the fact that I have given them courage to do things they didn't think they could. How is that not a wonderful thing to do? Size acceptance, allowing people to be themselves, flaws and all. Never wandering from what we feel is right, but doing what feels good!!!

So here is to hopefully seeing some new stuff of me, Jessika Vegas; coming soon. Not too old, not for the wrong reasons, not outta my boundries, but just right!!

Ciao for now,
Jessika

Sometimes I Wonder??

2010-04-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

You know I consider myself pretty savvy. Yet there are times when I walk away scratching my head, saying to myself, OMG, oh jeez why didn't you see that coming???

As you all know by now today is the April 1st.. April Fool's Day. I worked til midnight on March the 30th, so I didn't get home til almost 1am. I jumped on the computer and checked IM's, emails, and did a google search. Well GOOGLE didn't pop up, TOPEKA did.. That was odd I thought I will have to check that out. I went to bed and forgot about it. Until just a little bit ago...

Do you all know that when Google does their themes you can hover over it and it gives you a synopsis of the theme? Then if you click it, it takes you to a page all about what the theme or an article pertaining to it? Well that is what just happened to me. I had a moment finally after I have done "TOPEKA" searches all morning, that I finally clicked on "TOPEKA" and read this long article. It finally hit me half way through the article what today was, and that a trademarked company wouldn't do this. Then of course the article started say something about being a registered trademark, and to use it properly in public.. LOL

I sometimes wonder at how easily taken I am, even though I am pretty street smart, and can pick up on most peoples nuances.. But every once in a while I still get taken. April Fools apparently is one of those days, and by big corporate giants at that.. LOL

Ok Topeka, Kanas, and Google Inc you had me for a moment.. It was definitely a great joke.

Happy April Fools everyone!!!

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

Almost 40 and not enough sex... LOL

2010-03-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

So here is a question that has absolutely nothing to do with modeling, but everything to with being a woman, hitting middle age. I think that there must be some truth to those old stories I used to hear, that middle aged house wives were just horny women that fucked everything from the milkman to the plumber, and everything in between. I am ALWAYS horny anymore, or just on the edge of it. It only takes a bit of prodding, to get me talking about sex, but then once it starts rolling around in my head, GOD I just want a nice hard cock to sit on and fuck til I cum all over the place. Then I want to do it all over again, in another position. :D Until I can't keep my partner at full mast anymore.. LOL

I don't know what it is, or if it is truly a normal "Middle Age" reaction of hormones that we go through, but good lord, I almost wished I had a stable of men at my beck and call so that I could handle my urges, how and when I wanted to. My goodness wouldn't that be heaven?

I laugh cuz I am almost forty, but I don't feel it most of the time, I know I rarely look it. But I don't feel right having sex with the ummm "young men" who have approached me lately.. Good lord I am old enough to be their mothers. (Even though I know it would be an extremely fun ride, considering their stamina.. LOL)

*SIGHS

I continue to deny myself contact with men, in hopes that this goes away. I have my toys, but of course that never takes care of it fully. I am NEVER sated. Not sure if I am satiable at the moment. ;)

I am interested in others opinions here. Is this all in my mind? Am I just in sexual over-drive cuz I have a lack of sex? or do womans' hormones really change as we get older, and we truly have a higher sex drive?

Looking forward to your input!!

Ciao Bella,
Jessika

My coming out!!

2010-01-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hello and welcome everyone!! It took me a bit to decide how and if I would evolve into a new persona. Many of my friends thought it would be a great idea. So we all worked together and came up with a name that suited me. I love it.

I used it for the first time, in my very first Professional shoot, which happened to also be my first BDSM session. I have to say, I walked away from that experience elated!. I was able to experience something I have wanted to do for 3 yrs. I was bound, semi-suspensed. I was mildly flogged, and caned. I will show you my Pretty marks in a minute. I was introduced to electricity, which I always said was a hard limit. But the Violet light was ok. When he upped the voltage, in the last 30 secs, I was done. LOL

I can take more that I thought I could. I am not a masochist, nor do I eroticize the pain. Yet I am stubborn, so I take it to see how long I can last to please/or displease the Sadist. Finding that my tears only please him all the more. LOL Sadistic Man!!!

I learned about myself, I felt safe, I pushed limits. All the things I see that BDSM should be about. I also had the ablitilty to have fun while shooting. I forgot all about the fact that my car was sitting at the gas station, overheated, waiting for me... *shakes head. Real life was put to the side. A lovely thing to be able to focus on the present, not the past, or future. Thank you Master Len, for a nice break for the afternoon. You are correct most people don't live in the present.

Have a great weekend all.

xoxoxo,
Jessika